Lessons Learned as Mom Faced Death

It has been three weeks since I last posted anything to my blog.  Those weeks contained events that have really changed our world, or at least our country.  But my focus these past few weeks has not been upon what was happening in our country - although I kept an eye upon them and an open mind.  My focus was upon the deteriorating health of my Mom.  And what a journey it has been filled with opportunities to share great memories with my Mom and to reconnect as family as we kept vigil by her bedside. 


My Mother was admitted to the hospital the day after Christmas and was diagnosed with double pneumonia and A-fib.  She was extremely weak, but eagerly began the treatments for both conditions.  And she began to make some slow but steady progress.  My two sisters and brother and I talked with her about returning to her independent living status in her apartment.  But then, she took a sudden turn for the worse.  For reasons the doctor staff at the hospital did not understand, her stomach and bowels decided not to work.  Everything possible was done to persuade them to work, but to no avail.  It was at that time that my Mother made the decision that heaven looked a whole lot better than to continue the struggles here with a failing health.  She knew my Dad and my brother and brother-in-law and granddaughter-in-law were all there waiting for her, along with a myriad of friends from days gone by.  She chose to enter into hospice care.  And, last Saturday morning, she experienced her coronation in glory and her reunion with so many others there.


Over the course of more then four decades of ministry, I have sat by the bedsides of many who were in the final hours of life.  And I have learned two valuable lessons through those experiences.  First, and perhaps this is the most difficult one for family members, death is a lonely experience.  The act of dying can only be accomplished by the one who is dying.  For family members at the bedside, this is frustrating.  There is a desire to help the process of dying along.  In the case with my Mom, because she had made that decision to enter glory, we prayed each day that God would take her.  Death for some comes quickly, too quickly; for others, death comes slowly, too slowly.  My Mom fit the last category - at least she thought it was too slow.  I remember her asking me early last week, "Max, why can't I die?"  How does a person answer that question?  My response to her was simply, "Mom, perhaps God is not finished building your home, yet.  There are some final touches He needs to add."  Was that the right answer?  I don't know, but it was satisfying, at least momentarily, for my Mom.


Although my Mom was dying by herself, we constantly assured her that she was never alone for God was with her.  We reminded Mom of God's promise, "I will never leave you or forsake you."  Mom loved Psalm 23 and we either read or recited it multiple times.  Oh those comforting words from David's pen: "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for Thou art with me, Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me."  Oh the peace that comes when we know the presence of God, even in the hour of dying. 


The second lesson I have learned can either bring comfort or despair, depending upon how the question can be answered.  And the question is this: Do you know where your loved one is going to spend eternity?  We knew how to answer that question on behalf of Mom.  She had a longing for heaven.  She had a passion to see Jesus.  God continually brought into Mom's mind verses that brought her comfort and encouragement.  (Mom had worked in her church's AWANA ministry for years, and those verses she had helped those boys and girls to learn were now bringing forth fruit in her life as she lay upon that hospital bed).  She would wake up from one of her deep sleeps and say, "I remember another verse" and then she would quote it to us.  There was absolutely no doubt in our minds as to Mom's eternal destination.  So we will meet this Friday morning to celebrate Mom's coronation.  And what a celebration it will be.


Yes, we are grieving the home-going of our Mother, Grandmother, and Great-grandmother.  But we can say with the Apostle Paul, "We sorrow but not as those who have no hope."  We know that a great reunion awaits us some day - hopefully soon - there in glory.  What a day that will be!


But, as we experienced a peace about where Mom was going, I have also sat by bedsides where there was not that assurance of heaven.  When I would ask the question, "Do you know where your loved one will spend eternity," I often got blank stares or a response of "I don't know."  I would hear people say, "My Dad was a good person," or "My Mother really worked hard."  But there was always that uncertainty of knowing whether the person dying had a relationship with Jesus Christ.  My Mother knew the reality of those words of Jesus, "I am the way, the truth, and the live, no one comes to the Father except through me."  And, oh what a difference that faith claim made for us these past few weeks.  Let me ask you, "Where will you spend eternity?"  If you have not yet told your loved ones your answer to that question, please do so.  They need to know.


Friends, next week I will share with you my thoughts on the first weeks of the Trump administration and highlights, or lowlights, of what else is happening in our world.  I believe the signs are pointing to the soon return of Jesus and our great reunion with those saints who have gone on before us.